


the reality of dreams

by grootmorning



Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Thunderblink, mentions of Sonia and what she did to Clarice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-02 23:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12736425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grootmorning/pseuds/grootmorning
Summary: clarice has a hard time separating dreams and reality until it gets too much, and finds out reality is always better than dreams





	the reality of dreams

Her eyes snapped open, and she gasped out a shaky breath. The darkness surrounding her slowly came into focus as she blinked. Clarice turned onto her side to press her face into the thin pillow they gave her. The thin pillow, the bed, the roof over her head that she should be grateful for.

Every night, it was the same thing. All she saw when she closed her eyes was one face.

John.

The kiss that she swore she still felt on her lips, the hand in her hair, the warmth of his arms.

She knew it wasn't real, that it was all breathed into her by Dreamer's ugly pink smoke and yet she craved it. It wasn't hers to ask for, but the memory of it burned in her gut and ached in her soul. 

Clarice wasn't getting anymore rest tonight. Throwing back the covers, she tugged on her sneakers and a sweater. It was a cold night, maybe a walk and the cool breeze would clear her head and let her get some rest.

Silence fell about her outside, bringing peace. Peace was hard to come by in the Underground. People were constantly bustling, talking, moving; it made her head ache. Her theory was that it was why she couldn't focus on her portals as much inside as outside. 

The crack of a branch made Clarice spin around, her hands already flying up in ready position to create a portal if needed. She would be damned if she led anybody from the outside back to the Underground, where all the children were. Not again.

"It's me."

 _Shit_. It would be just her luck to run into the one person she was trying not to think about. 

"With your shadow that big, thought it might have been a bear," she quipped, turning away.

John covered his mouth with a large hand, hiding his smile. "What are you doing out here so late?"

"Couldn't sleep, came out for a walk," Clarice tugged her sleeves down to cover her hands. "I'm guessing you too."

"Yeah, I told Marcos I'd take over watch duty for the night since I was up anyway. Sent him back to Lorna, she hasn't seen much of him since she got back."

The silence that fell between them was punctuated by a loud frog croak. Clarice jumped even as they both laughed at the interruption. Combined with the cold air, the shock made her shiver, and she brought her arms up, hugging herself.

"You shouldn't be out here at night," John said hesitantly and stepped forward with his hands up and outstretched.

"Says the person wearing a t-shirt at midnight in autumn," Clarice muttered. She took a hasty step back, looking up at the concern that was written all over his face. "Don't."

John halted, dropping his hands as a confused look came over him. "Don't what?"

"Don't look at me like that, don't - " The frustration and sadness that she'd been feeling for awhile now spilt over past the barrier that she usually kept up, torn down by her exhaustion and stress. "Don't treat me like I'm someone special."

"Clarice, we're - " He stopped as she angrily held up a finger, her green eyes flashing in the dark.

"If you say being mutants makes us special, I will portal your arm away from your body. Permanently." Clarice let her hand drop to her side, suddenly cold again as the anger drained from her body. "You know what I mean."

She closed her eyes even as John remained silent. He must have been trying to think of what to calm her down with. It was no use.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Clarice figured that with nobody else around, this would be the least embarrassing situation she would get to vent her emotions on the matter. "You look at me like you look at her in the memory," she tripped over using Dreamer's name, it felt like she was bringing her into this space and she couldn't do that. "And it confuses the hell out of me because I want you to look at me that way, and yet I know, you're with her."

John opened his mouth but she took another step back.

"No, you don't get to say anything at this point. I'm going to have this out and we're going to forget about this, forever." The emotions rose up and threatened to overwhelm her but she brutally swallowed them down, blinking back hot tears. "Every time I close my eyes, I see the memory, and it burns inside me to know that's what I can never have."

Clarice swallowed again, the frustration making her words harsh and choked. "Do you know what that feels like?" She demanded. "To have something  _dangled_ in front of you, something that you know you can never have because it's not yours to ask for."

John had reverted to his usual stoic nature, his face a mask of blankness. The air was cold and stung as she inhaled shakily. She had been holding it in for so long, that she had never really worked through the pain of having a false memory implanted in her brain and the consequences that came with it. And she came to a decision.

"You know, I probably would have arrived at this point sooner or later. You are just my type," Clarice let out a small deprecating laugh. "But not with the burden of a kiss, or the memory of touch. I want it out of my head. You go to your girlfriend and you tell her to take it back." The sob nearly bubbled out of her but she tightened her grip on herself. "It's not real and I don't want it anymore. I want it out I want it - "

Her desperate words were covered by John's lips as he crossed the distance between them, taking her into his arms and slanting his lips across hers.

Clarice clung to him for a moment, allowing herself that moment, before pulling back, "What is this? A pity kiss?" His arms around her were as warm as she remembered. She put her hands on his shoulders to push him away but he clutched her closer to him.

"No," John's face was pained, and his palm rested squarely on her back, securing her to him. "It's - "

A warm hand traced over her jaw, thumb stroking her cheek. The emotion swirling in his eyes was a mixture of longing and hurt. He took a deep breath, leaning down to meet her again. "It's the real thing," he breathed out, capturing her lips in another soft kiss. 

Her eyes fluttered shut, coming up on her toes to press further into the kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Clarice allowed herself this, and allowed the kiss to wash away the days of hurt and pain, and allowed herself to hope. 

He rested his forehead on hers, "I have to go tell Sonia, I - I just couldn't stop myself." His fingers pressed lightly against her temple, her eyes, her cheeks, as if memorising her. "Please don't say it's not real."

"How? When?"

"I don't know," John admitted. "But I know it's real."

"I still want it out of my head," Clarice let her hands come to rest around his waist, fiddling with her sleeves. With a firm hand, John pressed her head to his shoulder, burying her in another hug. 

"I know. We should start anew," John closed his eyes, preparing himself for what was to come. 

This was not what Clarice expected when she'd stepped outside to clear her head, but now her mind was clearer than it had been in ages. And she was wrong. 

The real thing was so much better than her dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> i will go down with this ship
> 
> tumblr: [here](http://ltfrankcastle.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [here](http://twitter.com/ltfrankcastie)


End file.
